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the thrill of your chase

I didn’t fall in love with you for those mundane reasons that everyone had for falling in love with you, for the way your curly hair fell on your perfectly arched eyebrows or for the way you flashed your dimple to get out of talking about your feelings or even how your serene body looked every morning after the sun woke you up

I fell in love with you because I grew up turning the pages of every love story, searching for a raging love like yours,

I fell in love with your twisted mind, for the tantalising tricks you played on me that pushed me to the brink of insanity but nothing ever made me feel more alive again,

I fell in love with the thrill of your chase and for the pleasure of finally being called yours.

A doctor’s journal

I managed to secure the Bipap mask tightly, double checking for air leaks and prayed that this would be enough to stabilise his saturation long enough to restart his failing heart.

This is from my first morning shift in the covid ward~ I walked in at 8.02 or 8.05, practically on time, donning the all white PPE suit, but as soon as I entered the high dependency unit, my superiors shouted to me from the other side of the room to hurry in and give them a hand. It was an 80 year old patient who was crashing, he tested positive after coming in to the ER with complaints of a heart attack. His saturation plummets to the mid 70s as the nursing staff hurriedly fix the ECG probes onto his chest. I managed to secure the Bipap mask tightly, double checking for air leaks and prayed that this would be enough to stabilise his saturation long enough to restart his failing heart.


Fortunately, he could be revived after a gruelling hour of employing desperate measures that were however, unable to save a younger patient on the adjacent bed.
On one of my rounds the following day, I noticed the nurses helping him video call his son and wife. Tears rolled down his cheek on the first glimpse of his family.

I met with his attendants later, suggesting to them to write a letter, something he could keep bedside, read and reread while he fought desperately to return home to his young grandchildren.
The next morning, letter in hand, I walked into the ward, the first good news I could deliver to a patient in a while.

the first good news I could deliver to a patient in a while.

He folded his hands when I told him that his family was waiting for him and that they had sent a message through me. I watched tears pool in his eyes as he folded his hands again when my words had concluded. I noticed he slept clutching the letter the next few days.


I’ve been posted out of the ward since; into the war room instead. His attendants call several times each day, praying their father makes it out of the lion’s den, I silently pray too. A week later, he seems to be stable enough during video rounds to no longer require intensive care.
I smile as I rub off his name from the HDU board and initiate the shift to the private ward. Ofcourse, amidst the 80-100 patients in the ward, there’s no way for me to know if he made his way back home, but it’s the light at the end of the tunnel I’ve been searching for.

Is free will real or just an illusion?

a dilemma, to believe in karma -‘what goes around comes around’- or que sera sera- ‘whatever will be, will be

Free will means that human beings possess the power of acting without the constraint or guidance of fate.  However, atheists make claims about fourth dimensions and superior beings, religious fanatics about Gods and their power –challenging that everything is pre-determined, making it impossible for anything else to happen.

My parents raised me to believe that your choices in life ultimately decides where you end up, that no success is handed to you till you pay your dues. As no two people share the same genetic material, no two people look at the world same, share similar thought processes or decision-making, leading to the diversification of personas seen in the 7 billion people co-existing. Every relationship-personal or professional– is a product of your emotional understanding, endurance and effort, no work goes unrewarded, i.e. Life is fair. Your free will determines your fate, and the power is in your hands.

We also need to take in account that we are dealt unequal cards in the game of life, some are born into richer families and others, birthed in a mount of debt; some are blessed with angelic parents, while some are orphaned. Though we share some commonality, we are ultimately broken through disparate traumas and some have it harder than the others with the odds they face at far disadvantage. If free will doesn’t exist, what is the deciding factor in this unequal distribution of fates?

If free will doesn’t exist, what is the deciding factor in this unequal distribution of fates?

However, I do recall my mother saying, at every bad turn of my life that, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ In those difficult years, I’d fight back the premise, enveloped in a cynical view of the world. However, the perspective that I had struggled to gain was that, ‘everything happens for a reason’ does not mean that every life-altering event will be happy, but merely that it needs to be life altering. A person undergoes the good and the bad phases of their life to procure experiences, which in turn adds a value to your mind space that was ultimately necessary for you to learn. Owing to that, it has managed to resonate with such a wide audience, reminding them of the evolutionary purpose of painto teach you what is not good for you. In this way, I feel that free will is an illusion, and the situations you are to face in life, pre-determined.

everything happens for a reason’ does not mean that every life-altering event will be happy, but merely that it needs to be life altering.

For me, it has been a dilemma, to believe in karma -‘what goes around comes around’- or que sera sera- ‘whatever will be, will be‘- and growing up I’ve seen my fair share of examples that stand behind each of these sentiments. If someone asked me at gunpoint, I’d say that free will existswe independently are to be blamed or praised for our downfalls and  accomplishments, yet sometimes a guardian angel seems to be looking over, forcing us on short detours, maybe to equip us with the knowledge, experience and strength that nudge us to take informed, intelligent life decisions in the right direction.

Six word stories #2

“Wasn’t losing myself enough for you?”

Love is a powerful emotion, a fickle foe. It can be our strongest motivator or our biggest downfall. In either case, its impact on our lives are drastic, and sometimes, irreversible. Those who are lucky revel in the glory of true love and the others callously fall ‘head over heels’ for people that leave them lamenting in the wake of their sacrifices, needs, hopes and dreams.

I would absolutely love to hear your six word stories in the comments, so feel free to give it a try and don’t forget to tell me how you liked mine!

Here’s the prompt I’ve used~

I’m going to be using prompts from http://www.Kelsye.com

Happy reading!

‘Would you rather’ favourites

I ‘curated’ fourteen of my ‘would you rather‘ favorites and berated my best friend – She’s 23, a ‘friends’ enthusiast, and an overachiever- into answering them. Hope you enjoy this peak into her wonderful mind!

Would you rather spend twenty days locked in a psychiatric ward or a circus tent?

Psychiatric ward because circus tents would get boring sooner!

Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?

Rewind for sure! I’d go back to the ‘honeymoon’ period of my relationship, or to times where I made my happiest memories. ‘Pausing’ my problems won’t fix them anyway.

Would you feel worse if no one showed up to your wedding or to your funeral?

I’d feel worse if no one showed up to my funeral! I mean, sure, don’t come to my wedding, Ill end up saving a fortune! As long as my funeral is jam packed!

Would you rather be proposed to in private or in front of family and friends?

With a lot of real life experiences to help me answer this question, I’d say I like my privacy. I’m not good at surprises, I’m still learning to get better at reacting!

Would you rather have nosy neighbors or noisy neighbors?

Noisy! So I can be nosy!

Would you rather have an unlimited gift certificate to a restaurant or a clothing store?

Clothing, I’d give fashion bloggers a run for their money!

Would you rather be on a survival reality show or dating game show?

I wouldn’t survive 2 days in a survival reality show! Also, with a dating show, i’m shooting two birds with one stone, I’m getting a free date every night!

Would you rather be able to take back anything you say or hear every conversation about you?

Take back anything I say, so that I at least control my own reaction to what people in front of me, rather than beating myself up with things that people say behind my back  

Would you rather be a character in a mystery thriller or a romantic comedy?

Romantic comedy, so that my fictional character gets her love story and I could try to figure out the mystery of what he liked in me!

Would you rather be the first person to explore a planet or be the inventor of a drug that cures a deadly disease?

In the present day scenario, everyone’s answer should be the inventor of a cure for a deadly disease!

Would you rather have the details of your financial life or your love life be made public?

Love life, I mean, I’ve grew up watching my favorite celebrities, learning about love from them and their relationships. Maybe someone would benefit from my stories!

Would you rather Experience the beginning of planet earth or the end of planet earth?

I don’t like the end of anything, and at the beginning of our existence, I’d love help earth begin.

Be the person who flips the switch during executions or be the judge who decides who should be executed?

I know i could change the justice system , if it was put into my hands, and introduce a new sense of morality under my jurisdiction.

Would you rather release your diary or a film of your most embarrassing moment?

A film, rather than my whole,very personal and controversial diary. As less exploitable information to the public as possible!

Six word stories #1

His lips tasted like burnt cigarettes.”

I’ve been fascinated with the concept of ‘six word stories‘ and the thought that goes into producing a narrative so short yet positively brimming with meaning.

I would absolutely love to hear your six word stories in the comments, so feel free to give it a try and don’t forget to tell me how you liked mine!

Here’s the prompt I’ve used~

I’m going to be using prompts from http://www.Kelsye.com

Happy reading!

Alzheimer’s – Lessons from my first patient

She was brought to the hospital the following morning and the doctors performed a battery of tests which revealed high beta amyloid levels and decreased temporal brain volume~ indicative of Alzheimer’s which rarely occurs at such a young age.

I touched the tarnished wooden door, the last in the hallway of one of the most prestigious medical facilities in the country and the veil between me and my first tryst with a patient.

Inside, was a petite middle aged woman, whose face was pretty in an unusual way. She was perched on a small hospital bed and hurried to sit up at the arrival of the team of doctors that I, timidly, accompanied. She greeted us with a beaming smile and nervous eyes. The distinguished doctor was quick with his routine enquiries after which he urged me to take lead and ask her relevant questions that would disclose what ailed her. I was shy in my approach, as expected of a newbie, and she was nothing but kind and patient with me. I learned that she was 42 years old, mother of two and lived in the nearby district, she had been married for nearly two decades now and had been frequenting the hospital for the past two months. What started as forgetting her keys or some passwords, led to a night spent away from home and her having no recollection of her whereabouts.

She was brought to the hospital the following morning and the doctors performed a battery of tests which revealed high beta amyloid levels and decreased temporal brain volume~ indicative of Alzheimer’s which rarely occurs at such a young age. She had been an accomplished lawyer, a loving mother, devoted wife and more to everyone she knew, yet now she seemed disoriented and detached from her old self.

Purple is the most recognizable color out of the color wheel. It tends to be the last color that Alzheimer’s patients forget. The elephant is a symbol because that is the only animal that will never forget anything.

The doctor began to proceed with his examination, and asked her to look at the clock plastered into the dull grey walls of the dingy room and announce the time. She smiled, uneasily and simply shook her head. The doctor turned towards the small window in the room and asked her to look outside, only asking her whether it was morning or night. His question was met with silence, and I felt the air in the room become heavier. I was astonished and also, devastated for her, yet she kept smiling sweetly at us, embarrassment clearly visible through her flushed cheeks and quivering hands. He then offered her a glass of water which she gulped down instantly and engaged with her in some trivial conversation that I could not hear, perhaps in an effort to calm her nerves.

The door was pushed audibly ajar and two children walked in, a boy, fourteen? And a girl trailing behind him, merely, six if I had to guess. Their faces, curious and eyes wide. They walked straight pass me and stood in front of their mother, while  their father slipped in quietly and stood behind me, silently observing the woman he married, fade away. She seemed overwhelmed at the site of her family, with a vast multitude of emotions that I fail to put adequately into words now. I learned later, that the children had been instructed to ask their mother if she knew their names. At the time that they did ask her, I could only imagine the turmoil that must have flooded the woman. What I can say, is that my heart has never recovered from the damage of seeing her fail to answer. Her eyes brimmed with tears, yet her smile never faded. She asked us to stop this, ‘inquisition’ of sorts, politely, but the doctors didn’t give in to her request. Instead he stepped forward, looking straight into her eyes, urging her to remember for the sake of her children. I saw her struggle and refuse repeatedly but he showed no mercy, while my attention split between her anguish and the frames on her bedside, filled with photographs of her laughing, her beauty accentuated by the small wrinkles of her once smiling face.

Sometime, in the middle of her agony, I chimed in, requesting the doctor to give them some privacy, telling him that I had learned enough for a day, when her husband whispered to me, his face twisted with hurt, “Medications can do only so much good, This pain is the cure for her dementia, to remind her that her family is  her strength to combat the loss of losing pieces of herself. ” I stood quietly, with pursed lips for the next twenty minutes as she glanced helplessly at all our faces, still unable to answer any of the questions.

The Netflix Book Tag

I’m back with another great book tag but with a twist! I’ve posted my version of the ‘Netflix book tag’ along with the original ‘Netflix tag’ ~ courtesy ‘Rats’(that’s what I call him!)

1. Recently Watched: The last book you finished reading

  She says:A discovery of witches’ by Deborah Harkness. I picked it up very casually but it’s a great read TBH!  He says: ‘Alice in borderland.’ Its actually a japanese TV show and unlike any of the other things that I usually watch. I’m really hoping for a second season.  

2. Top Picks: A book/books that have been recommended to you based on book you have previously read

  She says: ‘Twilight‘ by Stephenie Meyer, ‘Night world’ by L.J. Smith. I’ve already read both of them as a teenager though! I do however want to expand on my love for the ‘supernatural’ and maybe give ‘The Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy’ a go!  He says: ‘High rise invasion’ and ‘archer’ but they really don’t seem my type, I don’t think I’ll watch them.  

3. Popular on Netflix: Books that everyone knows about.

  She says: All books from the ‘Harry Potter’ series by ‘J.K. Rowling, ‘The hunger games’ by Suzanne Collins. The list goes on, really and rightfully so, I’m in love with how these authors create a whole different world so realistically.  He says: Friends, Brooklyn 99, TBBT, Breaking bad. I’ve watched all of them.

4. Comedies: A funny book

She says: ‘The comedy of errors’ by William Shakespeare. Probably, Roald Dahl’s works. I’m not very into comedy actually.    He says: ‘Brooklyn 99‘, I really relate to the lead ‘Jake Peralta’ and as unnatural as they may seem, his reactions are usually how I mentally react to similar situations at first. (I’ve learned to control my outward reactions since then!)

5. Dramas: A character who is a drama queen/king

She says: Is it weird if I say, ‘Bellatrix Lestrange’? Weirder if I might add that she is one of my favorites from the ‘Harry Potter’ series. I clearly have a flare for drama!  He says: ‘Gina’, ‘Sheldon‘, I mean he’s always complaining. I’m not really the drama kind (laughs nervously)

6. Animated: A book with cartoons on the cover

She says: ‘Charlie and the chocolate factory’ by Roald Dahl, ‘Matilda’, ‘The BFG’ – all of his works. I read most of them as a kid and absolutely fell in love with all of his books and how ridiculous yet fun his stories were.  He says: ‘Rick and Morty‘! Its weird, quirky and unique sometimes even non-sensical

7. Watch it again: A book/book series that you want to re-read

She says: ‘The best of me’ by Nicholas Sparks. He’s actually one of my favorite authors and I could reread any of his books, but this one had my heart from the time that I read it. I love how he manages to play around with love and tragedy in each of his titles.He says: ‘Peaky blinders‘. I would enjoy it so much the second time around, now that I know to savor it. The show has everything- action, drama, comedy and even romance.

8. Documentaries: A non-fiction book you’d recommend to everyone

She says: ‘How to be a bawse’ by Lily Singh. I’ve never been much about the self-help section but Lily Singh’s personality and odes of wisdom have brought this nothing short of amazing title that needs to receive more attention from the masses. I have benefited a lot from her ideas in my personal life, HIGHLY RECOMMEND!He says: ‘Social Media’ it’s a reality that we need to face. Social media has become a daily, not if hourly addiction for all demographics and its better to learn more about it before its too late. (mysterious, right?)  

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING JOBLESS

Lets talk about, “The importance of being jobless”

Does reading this sentence shock you? Are you afraid to quit your job, because you’re afraid of being jobless?

Your mind is probably rejecting this statement. How can being jobless be important? Right from childhood, we’ve been told that its important to be “busy all the time, work hard and not be idle” and being jobless is something negative.

As I see it, Passion is nourishment for an idea and Nothingness is the fertile ground in which you can grow. There is nothing in a seed that says its going to become a flower, yet they bloom. Translation: If you doubt yourself, you will never bloom because you will never plant the seed of your ideas. Every child is curious, and every man is passionate. That ‘empty space or nothingness’ is the most fertile ground for new ideas to flourish, new careers to be explored and new businesses to be built. You can never build something new for yourself if you never give yourself the leisure of an empty space.

Why settle for something  when you can possibly have everything? It does take courage, a price to pay, to destroy what you have so that something new can be created out of the destruction. Creative destruction.

Save some money, quit your job, write that mail to your boss, today.

Parents, relatives, friends, and partners want you to achieve security and status and understandably, they advise you against it, but you? you want freedom and passion for yourself. In this, conflict of interestPrioritize yourself ; You’ll be thankful later. Save some money, quit your job, write that mail to your boss, today, And become jobless. Do not be afraid if you feel like doing nothing for the next 2 weeks after you’ve quit, its natural, let the shock be absorbed and the tired habits be broken down. Your energies will build back in slowly and refocus, which you can materialize in activities  that you love to do. 

Invest in yourself, upgrade yourself

Welcome to this blank canvas of time. Use it to do what you love. Read a lot of books, attend training programs. Invest in yourself, upgrade yourself. Your life will turn around. Give yourself that space, to think, to rest, to read, to ponder, to travel, to eat better, to be fitter and I promise you, out of this space, your dreams will begin to take form.

Have you ever driven a car? To accelerate, you have to change gears by releasing the accelerator, and pressing the clutch. If you want to go faster, to the higher gear, you have to release the accelerator for a few seconds again. Your break, your sabbatical, your joblessness is just that. You need it to change the gears of your life and your career.

Everyone will doubt you ask you to stick to what you have already – because something, no matter how nonsensical, is better than nothing, but job where you do not feel dedicated, devoted makes you feel mediocre at best, and gradually becomes boring, repetitive, and toxic.

That is why, I ask you to repeat after me- Nothing is better than Nonsensical’.

Only from nothing, can arise something new

Only in silence, can music be created

Only from darkness, can light be shone

Only from solitude, can love be appreciated

Only on a blank canvas, can you bring to life a beautiful painting

And only from joblessness, a beautiful career can be discovered

That blank space, that silence, that boredom is just a ‘pull back’ before you ‘shoot off.’ Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Don’t ask anyone for advice. Don’t be afraid of losing your friends or disappointing your boss. Remember: No one improved their life by just sucking it up and sticking around, No one got their dream career by working hard on something that they do not love. If you never take that risk, you will never know what risk-takers (like me) end up achieving: “Risk hai to Ishq hai.”

Quit your job. Trust yourself. Just do it.

GUEST POST ~collaborated with a close friend of mine on this. 

#TAG: the bookish snob

Here’s my first attempt at a tag! Thanks @potterheadaanya for making me try this out!

ADAPTATION SNOB: Do you always read the book before watching the film/ TV show?

I try my best to. I have been team ‘books are better than the movie’ for as long as I can remember. I mostly don’t bother watching the movie after reading the book, on the other hand, if I come across the movie and don’t realize that it was originally based on a book till after I’ve seen it, I go back and read the book version, as a rule.

SHIP SNOB: Would you date or marry a non-reader?

For me, reading builds your personality, emotional maturity and creative thinking in ways that other forms of art are unable to, and so I would jump at the idea of a partner that is an avid reader as well. However, over the years, my boyfriend has taught me, that this might not necessarily be the case and proved to be a notable exception. Thus, for the forseable future, I will be settling down with someone who watches movies almost as keenly as I read books.

FORMAT SNOBYou can only choose 1 format to read books for the rest of your life. Which one do you choose: physical books, eBooks, or audiobooks?

Hardcopies, without a doubt. Ebooks are convenient, but they don’t make you engage with the plot as much as a paperback does and I am yet to try an audiobook, despite numerous recomendations by my brother.

GENRE SNOB: You have to ditch one genre – never to be read again for the rest of your life. Which one do you ditch?

Self help, and Historical guides. I cannot conjure up any reason as to why but I don’t see myself picking up a book from these sections anytime soon.

COMMUNITY SNOB: Which genre do you think receives the most snobbery from the bookish community?

Unpopular opinion: Classics, and maybe rightly so.

Nominating @belladonna @fisbibliofiles @lightmotifs, can’t wait to read your crack at the tag!