happy, yet untrusting
In between nights filled with intriguing yet light hearted conversation and mornings with your charasmatically crooked smile, it was impossible to tell when you became mesmerized
with me, and I couldn’t believe that I was capable of making someone feel that way.
Despite the risk of sounding cliche, I admit that you taught me to be happy, and I was, with you, happy yet untrusting, and it’s become my greatest
Then why did I walk away? I ask myself this question often, the answer is because I was afraid that you’d grow tired. Tired of all the work you’d put in this relationship, all the soul you’d have to invest in me, and yet it didn’t keep me from wondering, rather, from being afraid that you wouldn’t think about what could’ve been. I know how horrribly selfish it sounds but weren’t you the one who taught me to be selfish, to ask you for whatever I wanted, and albeit my friends’s constant reminder that it’s your loss, my conscience tells me that it’s mine too.
I think a lot about that one midnight, when the words kept rolling off your tongue, “I was crazy about you.” you said, and it left me yearning in a way I didn’t think I ever would, it made the world start to spin, but what it didn’t do, was bring you back to our safe Haven.
I knew acceptance of what had been lost would come gradually, but in that instance, the realization of how I pushed you into the arms of the demons that haunt you now was definite, and all of the blame was upon me to shoulder.